She Loves "The Gays"

     In my younger days, I began identifying with what many might call "gay culture." I went to midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and listened to Cher and Britney and went to drag shows. In college, I started doing drag myself (that's Mr. UT Gender Bender 2007 to you, thankyouverymuch). I had (and still have) gay friends. Coming from a liberal, feminist family, this was met with relative enthusiasm, or at least wasn't discouraged, however uncomfortable my father was with the idea of me dressing like a man and getting on stage.
     It wasn't long before I was given the title of " hag." I wore the badge proudly, head held high knowing that I, oh benevolent, straight, white lady, was an enthusiastic friend to "the gays".
     I'm here today to tell you I was wrong.
     Now hang on, before anyone gets too upset: I am 100% an ally to gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans/queer/other people. I believe in equality and I still love disco. And don't even get me started on drag as a radical statement on gender performativity (or do, I didn't get that expensive Women's Studies degree to NOT get academic about gender)! But you know what? I'm straight. It's not about me. Say it with me straight allies: it is not about us.
     I'm not a "hag." It's not ok for me to use someone else's sexual orientation as a part of my identity. Period.
     And "the gays"? Please. Gay people are not a monolith. There are plenty of gay people I don't like.  You know why? Because they're human beings with diverse lives and interests and personalities and nobody lives everyone. I can like some people and dislike others and still support everyone's rights!
     We as straight people who feel connected to the fight for equality need to make sure we're supporting people and not a pile of straw men (or women). As long as we're labeling an entire group as "the gays" we're taking part in the same kind of othering that the people on the other side of the fight do when they discriminate. We mean well, but it doesn't do anyone any good to forget that the ones who are being denied basic civil and human rights are our neighbors, our sisters, our brothers, our friends.
     By allowing this kind of attitude to prevail, I believe we're ultimately doing a disservice to those we love. We can do better. We can be better. We can listen, truly listen, to our friends and become the most effective allies we can be.
     ....and then maybe go to drag brunch.